Of crying like a boy, like a falling rain…


This world

This world is not for me. It never has been. 

I know I do not belong here. I look human. 

But I am nothing like these creatures we call humans. 

I’m often misunderstood. I know a lot of that has to do with knowledge and my perception of the world. I do not think at all like these humans around me. Always causing chaos and havoc and focusing on the negative. I too spend time looking at the negative, although I am surrounded by it in my eyes. But I feel I manage that part of me more effectively than humans. 

I do not fear death. One would say a lot of my thoughts would be considered suicidal. I want to die, because I am tired. Tired of living in a world I do not belong in. One where everyone is consumed by the lies they tell themselves everyday. Death is a liberating experience. I pray many times someone from my past would come out of the shadows and finish what my country once started with me. Or a random person walk up and jab me in a vital spot. A car pin me somewhere until I bleed out. Anything that they couldn’t “save me from.”                                               But I don’t feel that would happen. In my mind the pain and suffering wouldn’t end with death as life for me doesn’t end there. Maybe a lot of my problems are past lives causing problems for me. I don’t know what is reality or the world created in my mind. 

I know the world and these creatures known as humans aren’t ready for those like me. 

So in a world that I am the only one of my kind, means I am alone. Which is the true meaning of being alone, when you’re the only one of your kind. Inevitably bringing the feeling of not belonging. 

The world is a giant paradox to me. Ugh… I don’t feel like explaining my perception of that right now. 

If I was on a subway car and a crazed gunman started popping people off. By the time he got to me I’d have to do something and then cover my face. I’d turn and look to the rest of the people and scream, “why?”, “why the fuck do I have to save you. You don’t care!” Then asap, bolt! Because I’m a felon, for asking for my dog back from the one who stole it. So if I shot the gunman or ended the situation I’d be put in a bad spot. Too many questions, too many assumptions. 

Humans disgust me… Why can’t I just be left alone!

I live in a world where ignorance is bliss and legal. I’m a felon for doing what’s right. But as an American citizen my rights can’t be infringed upon, which means I’m not really a felon because the government is fictitious, although as a felon I can’t legally own a gun. Contradiction which equals a paradox. 

You humans allow these things to happen. Live in the matrix, I don’t give a fuck. 

Idk… Peace